Frodo Baggins and the Diaper of Doom
A Short Story by Michael Cook
As a first-time parent, I’ve been meaning to write this post for a long time. So here it is. Enjoy!
Gandalf looked to Frodo and said, “You must embark on a great and terrible quest. You must take the awful Diaper of Doom that is now wrapped around your waist and cast it into the fiery pit of the Walmart Bag of Mordor from whence it came. But be forewarned. This is no easy task. You must first face many trials. You must swim across the vast and deep River of Mother’s Milk. Then you must face the rough and torturous hand of the Burping of Father. Then you must cross the deep and wide valley of the Carpet of Pee Pee. Then you must ascend the steep and treacherous cliffs of the Mountain of Changing Table. Then you must try to rest your head on the freezing cold slab of the Plastic Changing Station. Then you must endure the icy swath of the Baby Wipe. Then at last you can finally cast the awful Diaper of Doom into the fiery pit of the Walmart Bag of Mordor from whence it was forged.”
Frodo responded with dread in his voice, “This great quest will be the ruin of us all.”
“Perhaps,” Gandalf said. “But at least you will finally be able to learn the answer to the question that consumes your soul, the question that burns in the mind of every living creature on earth.” Gandalf paused then bellowed the great and eternal question in a deep and thundering voice: “Did the diaper hold?”
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